41 Steps to Putting Yourself First-Self Care

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41 Practical Steps to Putting Yourself First

Why put yourself first? Isn’t that selfish? You probably cannot recall the last time you made an attempt to put your needs first over anything else. Well, aside from the fact that you are just loaded with so much stuff to finish, you might be thinking that putting yourself first is a selfish act. It is easy to fall into a rabbit hole of thinking that to put yourself first is to be selfish especially when it is what has been fed to you for so long. Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist as well as an author of the book, Joy from Fear. Manly confirms how a good number of people, particularly women, have been raised to think that it’s more important to care for others first than to tend to oneself. In the long-run however, you will realize that it is healthier to put yourself first before others.

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The Clinical Director and Founder of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Better Living, Tatyana Mestechkina, Ph.D. has explained how prioritizing your physical as well as mental health needs is critical to your overall wellness. Doing exercise, eating a balanced meal, maintaining sound sleep hygiene, going to check-ups, and attending therapy sessions are just some sample activities that can contribute to your well-being. Putting yourself first in balanced, mindful ways is actually healthier as it enhances your self-esteem and helps prevent burnout. After attending to your personal needs, you will be surprised how you will feel more energized to be fully present for others this time. So how do you put yourself first? Here are countless ways:

1. Make yourself responsible for your own health

Apparently, no one else can be held liable for your own health except you. So the smartest way to put yourself first is to realize that your health is your own responsibility. You really have no other choice in the matter. As Manly would put it, even those who tend to take care of others first cannot argue that they can only be capable of doing so if they have ensured their own healthiness first. Even on an airplane, safety precautions require you to put your mask on first before checking on others.

2. Unleash the power of positive self-affirmation

A powerful way to care for your self is to practice positive affirmation. When composed the right way, affirmations can allow you to adopt new truths with the use of words. It is easy to berate oneself and hurl the most hateful words. The effect of course can be devastating. On the other hand, positive self-affirmation has the power to transform you from the inside out. All you have to do is to change the negative dialogue that you often have with yourself. Make it a habit to tell yourself something positive about you or your goals everyday. In the mirror say, “I’m capable of anything”, “I am unstoppable”, or “I am confident”. Writing such affirmations is likewise a good move as long as you keep them positive and personal. Be your own friend and mention all the good stuff.

3. Set the alarm

The main objective for setting the alarm is not to wake you up when it is too early for you. Set an alarm that fits your specific lifestyle and work requirements as this can vary from one individual to the next. The goal is for you to get to a good routine that helps with structure and carving out your regular “me” time. The alarm can also be used as a reminder for you to do your self-care activity for the day. Even the smallest acts that you do just for yourself everyday will go a long way. Another good option would be set your alarm earlier than usual so set aside that time for yourself.

4. Make exercise non-negotiable

Exercise and nutrition go together when it comes to your total wellness. As such, exercise should be done as regularly as you take your nutritional meals. It has to be a non-negotiable part of your daily routine. It has to take a spot on your schedule even if it is just for a 20-minute workout. There are a good number of options out there that will suit your particular lifestyle and availability. For instance, Job 1 with Jennifer Jacobs is a strength and cardio program which can be done in only 20 minutes per day for 5 days in a week. This is a no-nonsense personal training workout with a functional fitness expert. What’s awesome about it is that it goes hand in hand with nutrition plans that are easy to follow and sustain for the long haul.

5. Explore meditation

Meditation has countless benefits to your soul especially in helping you get in touch with your thoughts and feelings. It is a simple practice but the mindfulness can result in less stress, improved learning, lengthened attention span, enhanced self-awareness, and emotional health. It is also not that time-consuming. You can go from 5 to 10 minutes daily or thrice a week and eventually, you will notice how it controls anxiety and helps keep you calm. The practice of focusing on your breathing in meditation allows you to stay objective when faced with emotionally-charged situations or challenges.

6. Master the art of saying NO
   

For some people, saying no is not an easy feat especially when they are feeling like they’re the only ones who can help. When you are overloaded however, saying no is the best gift you can give yourself. Self-care demands that you decline anything that feels overly demanding or taxing. You can start by saying no as a first step but Manly believes you can do more than that. The goal would be to be able to say no without feeling guilty or feeling the need to explain or apologize for it. Master the art by simply saying no and then expressing your gratitude for the invitation or offer.

7. Nourish your body

Your body is like energy that needs to be recharged daily. When you are too busy taking care of others, you tend to forget about your body and act like a robot. You sometimes forget to fuel up then expect to have the patience, tolerance, and compassion for others. If you want to give the best version of yourself to others however, you need to nourish your own body and replenish that energy. This is the exact opposite of selfishness because it is selfless. Don’t fail on your recommended veggies and fruits intake. Maintaining a healthy diet is one of the best ways to putting yourself first. Your body is not meant to work without daily nourishment. Listen to your body and give it what it needs.

8. Prioritize self-care

Self-care can be different for different people. But commonly, self-care refers to activities that you do to take care of your physical, mental, emotional, and overall psychological health. So it could be as big as going on a vacation or as simple as drinking a glass of wine – whatever it is that makes you feel better afterwards. A common tendency would be to just shove self-care further down your schedule until you don’t get to do them. Who would think meditation or a walk in the park could be that important? It is not until you are feeling drained and burned out that you realize what you have been missing out on. Needless to say, you have to calendar self-care activities regularly as this “me time” is as important as your other appointments or work meetings.

9. Do what you want

Yes, you are permitted to spoil yourself as often as you want. Stop saying no and start saying yes to making yourself better every day. Putting yourself first isn’t just about establishing routines and developing self-discipline. It is all about you dancing to the groove, watching your favorite series, or getting some sun. The possibilities are endless and the only rule is to do that one thing YOU want. Spend at least 15 minutes doing this and you will be doing yourself a big favor.

10. Take the lead

If you want to be true to yourself, you need to check whether you are taking the lead or simply chasing others’ coattails. You know you have your own interests and vision but sometimes, it is easier to just follow someone else’s lead. However, this someone may not have the same priorities as you have and your tendency would be to sacrifice your own in the process. This could further mean going nowhere because in the first place, it is not the path that you want to take. If you want to put yourself first, you have to take the reins and lead courageously. It is high time to forge your own mark in the world based on your inner needs and life goals. Be in tune with yourself and the rest of the Universe. Put yourself first, push yourself to the right direction, and become your own leader. You can do it!

11. Maintain a work-life balance

Your life is not all about work and work is not all your life. Striking a work-life balance is you-friendly. Did you know that the Dutch as a people work the least in the world according to the CBS or the Central Bureau of Statistics? This is not to say that they are lazy but it is a fact that on the continent, they have the highest rates when it comes to employment. Apparently, they are more productive at work and it can most likely be attributed to them working less hours. This contention is supported by studies that have shown how longer work hours prove to be detrimental to your brain and heart health. On the other hand, shorter work hours tend to make one more productive while allowing you to have more time to spend for the other aspects of your life.

12. Realize that you can never please everybody

Here is an important truth to internalize when putting yourself first. There is no way in the world you can please everybody out there – much less, make everyone happy as you would sometimes attempt at. You can always try and try but you will realize that this is close to impossible. What with the differing personalities, needs, ambitions, inclinations, opinions, and passions that each unique individual has. Think about organizing a get-together with old friends. Surely, there would be one or two who would have a different opinion on just the meeting place and those same people might end up not going to the venue afterwards. But then again, you cannot have it all on you if they are not pleased or happy with your choice. Remind yourself that you can never please everyone.

13. Rely on faith instead of fear

The thing about fear is that it diminishes your energy and hinders you from aligning your actions with who you are. You do something not because it is what you want to do but because you fear that if you don’t do it, the consequences might be too much for you to handle. Faith on the other hand is that unshakeable trust in yourself – your capabilities and your worthiness. It is what transports you from a place of fear into utter confidence and freedom. As such, when you consciously choose to rely on faith instead of fear, you amass an energy field of endless possibilities and potential. You become true to yourself and attract positivity into your life. Fear not what lies ahead and instead act on faith today. Be genuine and put yourself first.

14. Catch some afternoon naps

In some cultures, siesta or afternoon naps are an accepted practice and for a good reason. The Italians in particular like to feast during lunch and enjoy siesta thereafter. Napping has a good number of practical benefits including keeping you out of the sun and aiding in the digestion process. Some Harvard University psychologists agree that naps for 60 to 90 minutes in the daytime can actually benefit you in the same way sleeping at night can. Afternoon naps will not only make you feel recharged afterwards but also make you healthier and happier. You will be able to increase your chances of living longer. Try to squeeze in that power nap for the day and take care of YOU.

15. Go shopping

Yes, you are entitled to splurge from time to time. As long as you can afford it, the value that this activity can bring to your self-esteem is no match to its monetary equivalent. This is especially true when you shop for clothes that you actually like and fit you nicely. It is uplifting to play with colors and make yourself feel beautiful. You don’t have to buy many or super expensive ones. Think quality shopping for timeless pieces that make you look special in. The same holds true for make-up, shoes, body essentials, and all that other stuff that make you feel good about yourself – look good, feel good.

16. Know your self-worth

If you don’t know your own worth, how can you even put yourself first? You won’t see the point of doing all that if you do not think of yourself as important. Like adding insult to injury, people around you can also be so fond of setting the highest standards as to what the ideal self should be without consideration or respect for personal identity. You can’t help but compare yourself to others and end up not realizing your worth as a unique and highly-capable individual. Know yourself first and your special place in this world. Apply what you have learned about yourself and make changes to your self-perception. You are as important as everybody else no matter your skin color, body type, or economic status. Don’t let anybody make you believe otherwise or allow them to walk all over you like some door mat.

17. Celebrate the ordinary

It is tempting to wait for a special moment in time before we take out the good china from the cupboard and actually use it. But why can’t everyday be special when it actually is anyway? Well, as long as you make it special, there should be no stopping you from celebrating ordinary days and enjoying them like you would special occasions. So go ahead, wear that lacy dress, put on some jewelries, or cook your holiday recipes. Living in the moment can be such a rewarding experience as you put yourself and your happiness first. Don’t wait for special occasions to make yourself feel good. Make it happen now and celebrate life everyday.

18. Be explicit about relationship boundaries

A great deal about putting yourself first has to do with your relationship with others. Setting up healthy boundaries contributes to your self-preservation. This is especially true when the natural tendency is to please the people closest to you no matter what the cost. And that cost, is usually your own comfort or convenience. Certainly, you have to prioritize the needs of your loved ones but putting aside your own needs all the time will also cost your general well-being. Some people can take advantage of your generosity and kindness. The key is to be able to set healthy boundaries and make it very clear to the other party so that yours and your loved ones’ needs can be met. You do not have to give up taking care of others altogether but put limits as to how much you can give so you do not also sacrifice your own. In the long run, setting boundaries and being explicit about them results to happier and healthier relationships.

19. Commit to fun

The proverb pertaining to “all work and no play” and how it can make you dull is essentially logical. It is easy to forget about having any ounce of fun in your life when there is so much to worry about. The more you stress out over your concerns however, the more that your productivity will tend to falter. You will not be able to function at your optimum as your brain will be clouded by anxiety and can shut down on you. You can say goodbye to creative thinking and strategic problem solving at this point. This is to say that taking life too seriously is not going to do you any good. So why not commit to adding fun in your life because it is meant to be enjoyed at its best.

20. Push for what you deserve

No one else knows your deepest desires, needs, and wants better than yourself. Certainly, you know what is best for you as well. To make yourself a priority means to be able to check in on yourself – making sure that you are getting what you deserve. Honor that voice in your head as it tells you what is good for you. This way, you will be reminded of how worthy you are of unconditional care and respect. As you treat yourself better, you will notice that others will treat you in the same way. Do not settle for less and instead advocate for yourself at home, at work, and everywhere else. You hold the power to putting yourself first.

21. Commune with nature

You will never thrive in an unpleasant environment but reality is that, that is the kind of situation that you often find yourself in. It is no wonder if you would feel sad, anxious, or helpless or end up having an elevated heart rate, blood pressure, and muscle tension. Being with nature reverses all that. Nature reduces stress and boosts the immune system. It enlivens your senses, lightens your mood, and brings about healing. Mother Nature possesses the most powerful of healing properties. Allow nature to soothe and restore you. Take time to rest and relax to rejuvenate your soul.

22. Wallow in gratitude

If you are the type who doubts your own importance, the one thing that can get you out of that bad place is to get into a mindset of gratefulness. A strong sense of gratitude can powerfully put your life in its proper perspective where you are constantly reminded of the blessings that you already have. Make it a habit to be grateful for what you have in your life now. A good practice would be to keep a gratitude journal where you can have a concrete list of things to be more thankful for. Writing them down and reading them again when you are feeling down can really uplift your spirits and bring you happiness. Another way would be to simply think about 3 things that you are grateful for. It will help you focus on the unique advantages that you are currently enjoying instead of getting envious about what others have in their life. Wallow in gratitude and positivity instead of pain and negativity.

23. Smile then smile some more

You know how smiling can be contagious? See, when someone smiles at you, it triggers these happy brain chemicals that you can’t help but smile yourself. You can smile to make someone else happy but what if you can also smile at yourself to make you feel better? So yes, no need to wait for somebody else to do it. Simply get a mirror and give yourself that most charming smile because you are your own best friend. Stop it with the negative self-talk and instead smile because even if you are not feeling that happy, your mind won’t be able to help itself but think happy thoughts as well. This is such an effective practice of putting yourself first that takes only a few seconds to accomplish.

24. Let your intuition guide you

Taking care of yourself is not always easy but trusting your instincts can make it less challenging. You know how life can get busy and that going on autopilot can seem like the only way to go. But, how can you make sure that you are making the right decisions while on quick mode? Psychological literature will tell you that gut feelings or intuition is actually a general mode of thinking that is fast, automatic, and subconscious. Intuitive thinking is a result of lots of brain processing and predictive framework based on stored knowledge and past as well as current experiences. As such, if you are feeling fatigued or frazzled, it doesn’t mean working harder than you already are. It is both your body and your mind telling you to take a break and put yourself first.

25. Lift your energy up

By now, you are getting the idea on how you can put yourself first and really, it’s all about doing anything and everything to lift yourself up. You need to focus on things that elevate your energy and strive to keep it that way. That life force in you a manifestation of dynamic energy and the more you elevate it, the more you are enabled to take care of yourself. There will be times when you will meet people or find yourself in situations that pull you down. That is perfectly normal but you do your best to stay positive and stay true to yourself. Don’t let that influence you or sway you to be bitter because the goal is for you to be always better. Keep an open mind and soon, you will be attracting people who will be in the same energy level and frequency as you are.

26. Consider working with a helping professional

There is no shame in working with a licensed professional if that is what you need. Sometimes, you have physical or emotional pains in your life that need special attention and asking for appropriate help is not a bad idea. This is especially true with chronic or deep pain that you cannot seem to handle on your own anymore. In particular, a lot of people don’t think about emotional pain or past trauma that much until the unresolved issue resurfaces and causes them more pain in the present. While it is a common defense mechanism to repress these pains, it can end up developing into a mental illness and that is something you don’t want to deal with in the long run. Opt for an early intervention; seek professional help as soon as possible; and work with a therapist with whom you are most comfortable with.

27. Reintroduce yourself to an old hobby or get a new one

What is it that you have always had fun doing but haven’t done so in a while? Your favorite hobby is what breaks the daily monotony and gives your mind that much-needed respite. Everyday is mostly about working and hustling some more. The body and the mind can get burned out if you are not careful. Maintain a delicate balance and mix in creative and expressive activities to your usual routine. It can range from a sport, dancing, arts and crafts, gardening, and lots of other stuff you love or enjoy. Choose ones that you can do alone to make sure that you are doing it for yourself and not for other people’s enjoyment. Check on some hobbies that you used to do but have not done so lately due to time constraints. It would also be exciting to explore new hobbies that you have been thinking about doing for a while now.

28. Celebrate yourself

Who is that one person you often fail to appreciate, affirm, or celebrate? Oh yes, that person is almost always YOU. Hey, it is time to celebrate you because you deserve it. You might not always do things right but when you do, do not forget to give yourself a pat in the back. Make loving yourself a habit and celebrate your wins like you would other people. It doesn’t matter how big or small your achievements are. Downplaying your own achievements will not enhance your self-worth in any way. Go ahead and celebrate the gift of your own person because you are special and unique in every way.

29. Avoid toxic people and situations

You have control over whom you surround yourself with and what situation to put yourself in. So why not be with those who inspire you and make you feel good, right? If that person feels too toxic for you and depletes your energy, there is no reason to stay with that person. You do not have to carry the weight of other’s burden all the time. Remember that the brain can get easily influenced and when you are surrounded by negativity, expect that you will have the same defeatist thinking, attitude, and outlook in life. After being exposed to that for a while, you will begin to notice how it weakens you and makes you feel exhausted about life in general. If a particular person or situation sucks then positive energy out of you, think twice about staying and get out if you need to. Instead, be with people who light you up and are abound with positive vibes. You owe yourself first before you owe other people.

30. Take care of the future you everyday

Of course, we live in the present moment but we also make an effort to build our future self. As such, putting yourself first requires working towards short-term as well as long-term goals. It doesn’t matter how big or small the efforts are as long as they all contribute to achieving your goals in the end. If longevity is your goal, then doing something daily to bring you closer to achieving this goal is a must. In this case, what you do is to make it a point to eat healthy at every meal by prepping your food ahead of time. That balanced diet is certainly going to energize you for the day but in the long haul, it also increases the likelihood of you living a longer, healthier life. Meanwhile, if your goal is to run a marathon, then running at least a kilometer a day can help you build your stamina. Small actions definitely add up in the long run so do something small to help the future you every day.

31. Eat alone, mindfully

Have you ever tried eating alone in a restaurant or at home? The idea of eating by yourself may seem a bit weird for some people but eating alone is actually a big part of the Japanese culture. Eating alone is not some sad undertaking because if you think about it, it can turn into a very effective use of your time. The Japanese for instance, simply leave the office then go to their favorite restaurant. They enjoy their tasty food without having to cook it themselves of having to clean up afterwards. It also prevents the inconvenience of having to split the bill or paying for the whole bill meant for two. Imagine having all the time to just savor every bite, eating mindfully with nothing else in mind. Give the Japanese way of eating a try. You just might like it.

32. Quit being a habitual superhero

There are some of us who are highly empathetic and are always ready to lend a helping hand. Indeed, that is a respectable and honorable thing to do. There are times however when rescuing other people creates in them a dependency and on your end, it could be emotionally and mentally taxing. When the rescuing is not helping the both of you anymore, then it is time to prioritize your sanity and be a superhero to yourself first. Rescuing others is not really your responsibility because before anything else, they are responsible for their own selves. You can probably listen to their problems to help them vent out or extend much-needed help once in a while but never make a habit out of it. You do not have to be constantly available for everyone. Extend help only when it is absolutely necessary.

33. Slow down and take a moment to assess your deepest feelings

This fast-paced world can really prevent you from paying attention to your own needs as you rush about and make sure that the needs of your loved ones are met first. You push your feelings aside until you repress them way below the conscious level and then later suffer from burnout and fatigue. And then you wonder where the anger and the frustration are coming from as you lash them out to the same people you were trying to take care of in the first place. Certainly, this is no way to care for yourself so you can be enabled to take care of others. First, take a pause and pay attention to how you are feeling. Dig deep down to identify your real feelings without thinking about how the other person will feel about it. Assess which personal needs you have sacrificed and make sure to address them promptly. Sort your feelings out and use them to guide you on the steps you will need to take to satisfy your own needs.

34. Solidify your values and stick to them

You are your own person and you have to fight for who you really are. Putting yourself first means to stay genuine and authentic. A large part of who you are has to do with your values and what you believe in. If honesty and openness is your thing, then don’t give them up just to please other people or to stay desirable in their eyes. If you value loyalty and faithfulness then communicate that clearly to the other party and do not lower your standards. There will be times when your principles will be challenged and you might be swayed to give up your beliefs, but remember to stick to them for your own integrity. When you are confronted with a certain issue, check on your values and make them your guideposts as you make a decision. Stay true to your values and courageously stand up for them no matter what others will say. Do it for yourself.

35. Spend less time on social media

These days, most people are guilty of spending most of their waking hours on their devices for various reasons. Social media consumption is currently at its peak for personal or professional use. It is also a very addicting type of entertainment from funny videos to make up tutorials or simply stalking on other people’s lives. A good number of businesses have also thrived just by using the power of various social media platforms. If you must know however, the German economy, despite being the biggest and most advanced by far is not hugely dependent on the use of these major platforms. We Are Social data indicates that only 46% of the Germans use social media while in the US that number is at 70%. On a personal level however, less time on Facebook means less tendency to compare your life to others and feeling dissatisfied. When you spend less time lying down or sitting and scrolling, you tend to get up more and have more time for physical activities that also activate the mind.

36. Discover something new now

At whatever stage or age, the mind loves discovering new things and satisfying curiosities. New information is always exciting and it would be advantageous to learn more about them. If there’s an online course you have been eyeing, then go ahead and enroll in that program now. Adding new knowledge to your current stock will not only excite you but enrich your life as well. The best time to learn new things is in the NOW. Just thinking about learning how to bake, taking piano lessons online, or speaking a new language must be putting a smile in your face right now.

37. Sleep in a purposeful manner

Sleep may be something that you do by the end of your day but it is what jump starts all the productive things that contribute to your overall well-being. It is foundational to your health, stamina, emotion regulation, and mental focus. As such, a sound, high quality sleep should be a non-negotiable part of your day if you want to wake up feeling refreshed. There are simple ways by which you can achieve this and setting a bedtime schedule can be key. When bedtime is near, make your space dark and quiet to signal your brain. The bedroom has to be clear of electronic devices or if you cannot get rid of them, they have to be put off after a certain amount of time. In case you have trouble sleeping, you can try a sleep mantra or play some soothing music. If you are too anxious or is thinking about too many things while lying down, you can write them on a physical or online journal so they are collected there and won’t keep you from catching some much-desired Z’s.

38. Do something creative and do not monetize it

One thing about putting yourself first is about freeing your mind and liberating yourself from any limitations. Harnessing your creative abilities affords you the opportunity to explore the other sides of your personality that is waiting to be expressed. Creative activities can be as simple as painting, dancing, photography, writing poetry, or acting out in a drama. But what it does is to help you come up with new ideas, entertain yourself, or communicate better with others. It does not have to be something that will stick or become permanent but indulging your creativity will bring you joy as you practice it. So look for inspiration, visit museums, read a book, or sing your heart out. Just resist monetizing the activity as that can ruin the very purpose of doing something without any amount of pressure and then finding joy in it.

39. Don’t take expectations too seriously

Other people have expectations about how you should be living your life. Remember though, that this is your life you are living and not theirs. Society and general has these markers for what they consider to be success, complete with a checklist of how it should look like. However, society’s standards are less important in comparison to your unique values and goals and you should be out there living life on your own terms. Your life is different from your family or friends and you don’t need to worry about living up to their expectations. Think about what success looks like for you and work towards achieving them.

40. Ask for help when you need it

Some self-sufficient and self-reliant individuals avoid asking for help at all costs. This is especially true for those who have had bad experiences about relying on other people and have vowed to never ask for anybody’s help ever again. Help can be such a traumatic four-letter word that you would rather suffer in silence or fall into depression than ask somebody to help you out. It is critical to realize though that if you want to put yourself first, you have to learn to ask for help. At work, it is a bad idea to work on a big project all by yourself. When you are feeling overwhelmed, do not think about being a bother to your co-workers because you might be surprised how much they can actually contribute to the project. Why sacrifice sleep and time with your family when you can delegate tasks, collaborate with others, or work as a team?

41. Make time for the most important person in the world

Even if you still don’t consider yourself as important at this point, just make time for you because you will eventually realize your real value. Making time for yourself can soon become your most favorite time of the day. Manly confirms that dedicating 20 minutes of your time daily asserts your worth to yourself and to others. This is a way to model healthy behavior that communicates how you want others to treat you. In those 20 minutes, choose time by yourself instead of going on coffee dates that can easily turn to you pleasing the person across you on the table. If you have to, you can just stay at home and indulge in a bubble bath or go for a little walk. It does not have to be super expensive when you start to re-imagine how self-care should be. The key is devote time only to yourself and do the activities that you love.

 

Take a FREE test drive for 14 days! In addition to world class workouts you also get access to over 90 meditations. Are you ready to lose weight, build muscle, or feel more fit? Join Beachbody On Demand, and get unlimited access to Beachbody’s world-famous programs, including 10 Rounds, 80 Day Obsession, Liift 4, 21 Day FIX®, Body Beast, Insanity, The WORK, Barre Blend, TurboFire, PiYo, P90X®, 21 Day Fix Extreme, T25 and 100’s more. Don’t miss out on your chance for amazing results. Sign up today!